Sometimes I forget how complex life is. It’s more then just black or white. I have to remember there’s a wide spectrum of colors in between.
Every word he pronounces is bluff. In the beginning everything seems to be hugs, kisses and stuff. What happens when you go through those patches? Not the soft ones the ones that are real rough? Stick it out until their gone right? Come on you’re tough. Until you lose all control and strength cuffed to a dead end. No where to go while facing your biggest fear blowing smoke into your face. Puff puff. When you fall and can’t get back up and you’re still beaten down, is that when it’s enough?
Seven year old with high hopes, sitting by the christmas tree. Waiting for santa with a toy car or maybe a new Barbie. Heard a noise at the door, entry of a master key. The smell of cheap perfume and long island iced teas. Drunk again. Looking scruffy growing a goatee I see. Nothing good only anger hidden deep within me. Where’s my dad? Growing cold. Where the f**k have you been? This is where my life ended and reality kicked in. Left your family nightly for these b***hes at the Inn. Did you ever feel guilty for committing all these sins? Thirteen now, running into trouble, patience wearing thin. Took every picture of you and burned them in a trash bin. What a coward, never a father, never took care of your kin. Maybe you’ll grow up one day and turn a bit more masculine. Showed me pain, showed me life, so I grew a thick skin. You’re my motivation to never fail and to always win.
You see he’s hurt you so bad in the past, why would ever give him the time of day to come back and stay? Sit here lie and say, “I love you, I just can’t stay away”. With only three words, not even an essay, he’s back feeding off of you like his prey. Burning you every chance he gets, like an ash tray. “You don’t understand, I know he loves me he just needs time to realize it.” Stop. Just pull away before it’s too late. He’s nothing like the person you portray. Your vision is impaired and somehow your self-respect has gone astray. He controls your every move with these puppet strings, don’t disobey. Your his employee, his valet, not his everything. You were doing great, pulled away from the gray and started seeing colors again. But now your back to carrying this painful weight. He doesn’t have your back he just betrays. You let him back into your heart which everyday he slays. And all it took was three words and a bouquet.
Hot blood flowing through my veins it drove me insane. My fists I couldn’t restrain, composure I wouldn’t maintain. Became that story for most to tell, sit back be entertained. You said I gave you that high, confused my name with that b**ch Mary Jane. The sickening thoughts and actions you took were inhumane. After months, my strength I regained, no one but myself to blame. Said in the end it’s about the size of the fight in the dog, Mr. Twain. Loved you with my heart instead of with my brain. Run away, take a train, fly a plane. Karma’s a b**ch and will always make you pay, wherever you go. Choices made. Soon the pain faded away, fast forward never replay. Ever since then I forbade myself to let someone persuade. Never again will I settle for less like I did that day. But I’m thankful for your ways, you made me what I am today. And you know what they say when there’s pain there’s always just so much to gain.